Depression and Anxiety

Therapist in a Cage

I went to see Dr. Gorgeous for a second time last Thursday. You might ask yourself, "Why is there such a long gap between Jennynyc's first two appointments?" The answer is I ran after the first appointment. I woke up anxious after the first appointment and decided to break up with my new girlfriend, L, and my therapist, in one fell swoop. I told Dr. Gorgeous that I wanted a gay therapist. She assured me that she sees lots of gay and lesbian clients. I still told her that I didn't want to proceed with her. Then she sent me a letter saying that I should work thru my anxiety and continue with her. That night I dreamed that the letter said what it did say but also that it said she knew all my secrets and still wanted to be my therapist, something like that. I felt too lazy to look for an alternative lifestyles' therapist. On a slight tangent, before he moved to Key West (though maybe he's back) I had the coolest, alternative therapist ever. He lived in a cage on Christopher Street! He was the slave of his gay partner! It doesn't get more progressive than that! Anyway, I decided to call Dr. Gorgeous and resume treatment with her. My mom and brother had been telling me I'm too neurotic and need a good analyst. Also, I had started a committed relationship (she wanted it to be committed) with a new gal, C. FYI: the relationship is over. It lasted five days! I had this second session with Dr. G (for "Gorgeous") before the relationship with C ended. I'm getting neurotic with details here! So Dr. G told me that she still had the regular session time that I had previously been assigned. I was relieved about that. The second session went well. She was warm and insightful, though I don't remember quite how because it's been almost a week. I had a dream two nights ago about a doctor at work that reminded me of the feeling I got with Dr. G. In the dream I cut my finger accidentally with a razor blade. Then I realized that I'd cut off the whole tip of my finger. David was with me, and he had me press it back on. There was a long wait in the E.R. so we decided to skip that. Then I saw a doctor from the hospital that I work at named Dr. V. She also had me press the tip of the finger back on to reconnect it. I was worried about opening the finger up because it needed to fuse together before it was too late to be able to do that. Yet I wondered if it should be opened up so that it could be cleaned up and avoid infection in the finished product. I asked Dr. V about this and she agreed to "scrape" it out. It was reassuring. Today in real life I told Dr. V about this dream and she was also warm. Dr. G and Dr. V are both like that. I'm tempted to see an orangutan for therapy (i.e. a large reddish brown ape) but will continue with Dr. G for now.

posted by Jayla @ Tuesday, December 21, 2004